Today's Christian Woman Editors' Blog

The Skin I’m In

One morning as I got ready for work, my husband watched me put on blush and eyeliner. I always get nervous when he hovers like this. Dan’s a purist; he thinks I’m prettier without make-up. Later that night, he asked me why I wear it.

“I like wearing make-up because I feel more finished—more put together—when I have on blush and mascara,” I explained.

“What do you think would happen if you didn’t look put together?” he probed.

“People at work might view me as unprofessional.”

Still not satisfied, he asked, “What do you think would happen if they viewed you as unprofessional? Do you think you could lose your job?”

“No, probably not lose my job, but I might miss out on opportunities because I’d go unnoticed.”

“Oh, so make-up helps you get noticed.”

Soul Staycation

Last week my family took part in the hip and, for many, obligatory recession trend of 2009. Yes, that’s right—we went on “staycation.”

I don’t know who originally coined this concept, but I began to see the word showing up in popular media last summer. Gas prices had hit an average of 4 dollars a gallon, so families—wanting to save money—decided to discover the sites closer to home. “Staycation” even became number 6 on Time Magazine’s Top 10 Buzzwords of 2008.

When my husband and I first talked about jumping on the bandwagon, I was incredulous. It seemed, well, boring. However, I was soon persuaded by the romantic notion of “exploring my own backyard.” The concept of a staycation is quaint—conjuring up nostalgic images of a time when families enjoyed one another and their local surroundings without many of the modern “conveniences” we have today. There’s a simplicity and sweetness found in the idea.

Words for Kate Gosselin

Dear Kate:

In the past you’ve been vocal about your Christian faith. To be sure, I don’t know all the circumstances of your situation. I haven’t “walked in your shoes” or carried the burdens you’ve had to bear. I’ve heard the rumors that there’s been infidelity with possibly no repentance. And if that’s true, my heart breaks for all you’ve had to experience through that situation. I’ve seen “up close and personal” the devastation that infidelity can have on a marriage and family.

Having said that, as a sister in Christ to you, take what I’m about to say in the spirit of love and concern: Please don’t do what you’re doing.

And I’m not just talking to you. I’m talking to your husband too.

For too long I’ve watched Christian couples live self-centered lives, pursuing their own desires, talking about following Christ and the principles of our faith, but not actually living them out. And when life gets difficult—as it does for every couple—they throw in the towel, acting helpless, showing to the world that when the apostle Paul said, “We are more than conquerors through Christ,” he didn’t actually mean it.

Signs

Anne LaBarbara finally snapped. Her husband, Frank, told her he wouldn’t be leaving his workplace at 5 p.m. to start their vacation as he’d promised. Instead, he opted to take care of some machinery that was breaking down at the plant his family owned.

If only he’d opted to take care of his wife who was breaking down.

When Anne Stormed into his office and demanded he shut down the factory, her mother-in-law was there and tried to intervene. In the ensuing brawl, Anne punched her beloved MIL several times, yelling, “I’ve been waiting a long time to do this!”

Unfortunately, another woman tried to break up the fight (no word on what Frank was actually doing during this time!), so Anne grabbed a plaque and smacked her with it. As the former good Samaritan yanked clumps of hair from Anne’s head, the women wrestled to the floor. Finally Frank broke it up—just in time for Anne to stomp out, yelling, “We’re through!” They’re now divorced.

Ashes, Ashes . . .

It is worse than I imagined.

Outwardly the house looks the same—a homey colonial flanked by maples bedecked with colorful bird feeders, surrounded by well-tended gardens spilling over with blooms. But inside it’s acrid and cavernous; footfalls echo uncomfortably off bare floors and walls. Distraught, I walk through each room with my father, surveying the smoke damage, capturing with my digital camera the images of stained paneling, sooty wallpaper, filthy flooring, smudged ceramic, and blackened ceiling tiles.

This is home—or rather, my parents’ home, the place where they’ve lived for 31 years. A week ago, a fire ravaged it while my mother and father attended their church’s midweek service. When they arrived home, black smoke billowed out from their basement as alarms blared. Five firetrucks heeded their 911 call; by midnight, my parents were booked into a nearby hotel with only the clothes on their backs and a few items hastily stuffed into a couple of suitcases.

A Heart Open to the “Yellow” Girls

A couple weeks after starting kindergarten, my son shared with me his affection for one of his school table-mates. A private boy, like his father, Nikolas told me about her only after I was sworn to secrecy—this would become an Eickhoff family secret.

I was privately pleased with my discerning son. Nikolas had his sights set on “Heather,” and from what I observed from volunteering in his class, she was not only cute-as-a-button, she was one of the most well behaved and smartest kids in his class. Heather was the kind of girl who would never be put on “yellow.”

Nik’s teacher used the image of a traffic light to handle discipline problems in class. All students started the day on “green,” but if they had to be reprimanded several times, they had to move their handprint to “yellow,” and on the very rare occasion, the dreaded “red.”

Severe Mercies

Like “grace,” “mercy” is a word I use too lightly.

I do it unintentionally, because in my mind “mercy” seems synonymous with “compassion” or “blessings.” In fact, Webster's Dictionary defines mercy as implied compassion that forbears punishing, even when justice demands it.

So when I say, “God was so merciful” as I tell others about my husband's healing from cancer, I'm right: God spared our family from this life-threatening disease.

And when I say, “God's so merciful” as I mention to a friend the good things going on in my life, I'm right again. I don't deserve the health I enjoy, the home we live in, the family I love, the gifts and talents I've been granted, even my ability to move, and speak, and see, and serve others in the many ways I take for granted.

Free to Grieve

Last year for Mother’s Day, my husband, Scott, and I, along with Scott’s brother and sister-in-law, treated my mother-in-law to a special brunch at an upscale club. She received roses, and the staff treated her like royalty. We were surrounded by a light and celebratory atmosphere as the music of the ’20s, ’30s, and ’40s serenaded us. My mother-in-law was delighted as she listened to the tunes and named each one along with the song’s vocalist.

About halfway through the meal, the waitress checked up on us and asked my mother-in-law how many children she had.

“Six.”

“Wow,” the waitress said. “That’s quite a bunch. You definitely deserve this special day!”

My mother-in-law only nodded, a tight grin plastered on her face.

Six. My husband and I knew only five.

To-Be List

ccourtney@christianitytoday.com Camerin

To Be: Gifted

Gifted: 1. endowed with great natural ability, intelligence, or talent 2. revealing special talent

"We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully." (Romans 12:6-8)

The good news about this week's to-be word is that you already are gifted. Yay! The point this week is to live out your gifting - intentionally, obediently, joyfully.

Because it's easy to know in concept that God created us all with unique gifts and passions and abilities. But it's another thing altogether to identify those gifts, to cultivate those gifts, and to seek outlets for using those gifts.

Freebie Friday!

Chapter One: What Is an Emotionally Destructive Relationship?

One day, unable to contain her pain any longer, Terri blurted to her husband, John, "I would rather die than continue to be married to you." Stunned, John could not fathom why Terri felt this way. He believed they had a good marriage. They were both Christians, loved God, and loved each other, or so he thought.

Yet what felt like a good marriage to John felt like death to Terri. For years she tried to be a good wife, meeting John's needs, loving him as she thought a Christian wife was supposed to love her husband. John loved Terri loving him, and she did it well. John was completely unaware, however, that Terri felt unloved by him.

Throughout their marriage, John was confident, Terri was less sure of herself. Believing that his way was the best way to do things, John embarked upon a mission of helping Terri do things the way he thought she should. At times, John was harsh and gave Terri the impression that her own methods, thoughts, feelings, ideas, and desires were not as wise or as helpful or as spiritual as his.

Sometimes Terri spoke out, but over the years, she found it easier just to keep quiet and go along. She often received affirmation from other Christian women for her quiet and gentle spirit. Eventually, John's overbearing manner undermined Terri's fragile self-esteem and her ability to stand up for her own thoughts and feelings. She began to believe that if she thought or felt differently than John, she was wrong. Over the years, little by little, the person God created Terri to be disappeared.

My Mother, The Spy

Outwardly, I appear to be a mild-mannered, middle-aged suburban housewife who cooks, cleans, gardens, volunteers for her church, and spends way too much time in front of a laptop blogging and surfing. But there's a hidden side to me that's always secretly desired to be a dashing private investigator or police detective.

I'd always chalked this interest up to a steady childhood diet of Nancy Drew mysteries or the hours I spent watching popular '60s television series such as the Man from U.N.C.L.E. or The Avengers. I imagined myself becoming a glamorous Cold War spy or a crack sleuth who solved cases with her stunning intuitive abilities. Reality, however, turned out nothing like my childhood fantasies!

But then, a few years ago, I received startling insight into my fascination with the world of intrigue. My mom and dad had made the six-hour drive from Michigan to visit our family for a few days. As we sat on the couch, chatting comfortably over diet colas and catching up on life, our conversation turned to the latest political controversy at the time - the mishandling of some FBI files.

"You know," my mom said suddenly, "I always wanted to be a spy when I was growing up."

Say what?

To-Be List

ccourtney@christianitytoday.com Camerin

To Be: Prayerful

Prayerful: inclined or given to praying frequently; devout

"Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, NASB)

Priest and writer Henri Nouwen once wrote, "To pray is to listen to the One who calls you ?my beloved daughter,' ?my beloved son,' ?my beloved child.' To pray is to let that voice speak to the center of your being, to your guts, and let that voice resound in your whole being."

What Christian doesn't want that type of experience? And yet, most Christians I know admit to not praying as much or as deeply or as trustingly as they desire. We get caught up in the day-to-day details of life and feel too busy to pause for this conversation. We watch our prayers seemingly go unanswered and grow frustrated ? and sometimes silent.

Baby, Baby

Today Amy Grant releases her first new, non-Christmas music in five years, a four-song EP in celebration of Mother's Day called She Colors My Day. Recently TCW chatted with the mother, philanthropist, author, and Grammy Award-winning singer/songwriter about the holiday and the people she'll celebrate this coming Sunday.

How do you and your family celebrate Mother's Day?
One Mother's Day I fixed a big lunch for my family. It took an hour and a half to prepare and they plowed through it in about five minutes. I thought, I'm never doing that again. And I haven't! A couple years ago, inspired by my husband, Vince, my kids asked what I wanted to do for Mother's Day. I said, "I want us all to go out to the country. I don't care if you're talking to me or running around, I just want to be in nature and away from everything electronic." And that's what we did.

As a mom, it's just nice to feel like you have the day off. I'm glad for a day to think about my mom and to think about how being a mom has enriched my life. It's a learning curve that never ends.

The Messiness of Mother's Day

I don't often want to deck someone within 20 seconds of entering church. But that's exactly what happened about this time last year. I was visiting a friend's large, seeker-friendly church with her one Sunday morning in May. A gregarious man greeted us at the door and wished us both a hearty "Happy Mother's Day!"

As we smiled our wary thanks and walked into the church's lobby in search of coffee, I whispered to my fellow childless singleton friend, "Doesn't he know that not everyone who owns a uterus has actually used it?"

Okay, so maybe I didn't want to deck the guy. I appreciated his kindness. Really. But it also felt as though in our 20-second exchange that he'd found a bruised place on my heart and pressed his fist into it.

My uterus is 37 years old and to date has never held any babies. That's because I've never been married, never been pregnant, never been anywhere near becoming a mom. Most days this doesn't bother me too much. But sometimes it does - moments I remember with wistful humor that episode from TV show Mad About You when pre-mom Jamie told her husband Paul about a child who was so cute it made her uterus hurt.

Yes, some days I know that ache.

To-Be List

ccourtney@christianitytoday.com To-Be List

To Be: Expectant

Expectation: eager anticipation

"In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." (Psalm 5:3)

As we anticipate Mother's Day this coming Sunday, our thoughts turn to mothers and daughters and sons, and how this precious relationship between mom and child starts with a season of expectancy (either through months of pregnancy or even more months of adoption proceedings).