Small Group Dynamics

Top 5 Icebreakers of 2013

Tue, 18 Jun 2013 08:00:00 -0600

This week, we're counting down the top five of five different types of content on our site including articles, icebreakers, blog posts, training tools, and Bible studies.

If you're not already familiar with our Small Group Meeting Builder tool, you should be. Search for icebreakers, worship ideas, Bible-study extras, and even recipes. Instantly find what you're looking for to make your meeting fun, inviting, and meaningful.

We publish several new meeting builders a month, most of them icebreakers. Here are the top five icebreakers so far this year:

#5
Married or Single
Exploring unique perspectives on God
By Amy Jackson

#4
Don't Worry
How is worry distracting you from God?
By Keri Wyatt Kent

#3
Priorities
What does it look like to "seek first his kingdom"?
By Keri Wyatt Kent

#2
Rediscover God's Love
A quick activity to learn about true love
By Rachel Jay

#1
Don't Forget
Be transformed, not just informed, by God's Word.
By Dan Lentz

What's your favorite icebreaker?

Ariel Castro and Zacchaeus

Thu, 13 Jun 2013 15:45:48 -0600

My small group studied the story of Zacchaeus the tax collector in Luke 19 this week. Tax collectors at the time made their living not by earning a wage, but by overcharging people and keeping the extra for themselves. They were hated in society—and for good reason. Who likes someone who takes advantage of others?

It struck me how much love Jesus showed by not only speaking to Zacchaeus, but actually eating at his home. He wasn't afraid to associate with Zacchaeus. He didn't even call Zacchaeus to himself or ask to meet him at the temple. Instead, Jesus entered his world. Convicting.

But another small-group member pointed out something even more important. Most of the other stories of Jesus helping someone involve a person who was down on their luck, who was born with a physical limitation, or who was otherwise in a bad place for reasons outside their control. Zacchaeus, however, was an oppressor, taking advantage of helpless people for his own gain.

It made me think about how we treat modern-day oppressors. I think of Ariel Castro who is accused of holding three women captive for years in Ohio, raping the women, and even forcing miscarriages.

I think of the Georges on trial in Manhattan for sex-trafficking, branding women and beating them when they didn't make enough money.

I think of corrupt politicians whose illegal actions cost taxpayers—especially the story last month on how New York politicians are costing the taxpayers over $49 million.

It's a lot harder for us to feel empathetic toward people we feel have "dug their own graves." Yet the story of Zacchaeus shows us that Jesus is willing. Even when it makes us incredibly uncomfortable.

Help your group members grow in this area by identifying and praying for the oppressors in your community. Spend time thanking God that he is willing to go where we're uncomfortable going, loving everyone. Work through the ways that we each take advantage of others for our own gain, remembering how Jesus forgave our sin as well.

Photo credit: Associated Press

Images of Authentic Community

Tue, 11 Jun 2013 16:21:40 -0600

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about authentic community and wondering what it looks like. Luckily, I've had some pretty good examples of it.

The small group that my husband and I attend led us to some of our closest friends—people who call us to come over to watch the Blackhawks game and make us delicious dinner, or ask us to watch their kids while they run out for a quick errand.

My husband and I recently hosted an outdoor dinner party that reminded me of the importance of creating a space where everyone can contribute something. So we welcomed baking skills and chopping skills and playlist-making skills and setting-up skills to the event. Without each addition, it wouldn't have been possible.

My women's small group makes me look forward to Mondays. One meeting we can be grabbing a box of tissues as we console a group member in a tough relationship. The next, we'll be bent over laughing at a story someone tells. Another meeting we'll be digging into John 3, asking important questions about baptism. It's hard to believe we were all strangers a few months ago.

And a group of friends recently came to my house, and I glowed when I realized they had refrigerator rights, helping themselves to whatever was in our refrigerator. We sat chatting about careers and marriages and identity late into the night.

This is authentic community. People coming together with their lives and arms open wide. Offering skills given to the group. Giving and taking in mutual relationships. Finding a rhythm of fun and study and joy and sadness. And it's in this context of authentic community that we grow and learn, that we are challenged to become all God intends us to be.

When have you experienced authentic community? What does it take to form authentic relationships?

Quick Training Videos from Small-Group Experts

Tue, 04 Jun 2013 17:06:21 -0600

Sometimes a quick training video can do more than a whole article. So we’ve put together several quick training videos from small-group experts on our YouTube channel for you to watch, share, and even show to other small-group leaders. Right now you’ll find videos on hot trends in small-group ministry, how to ask follow-up questions, and how to make the most of your meeting. We’ll be adding new videos on a regular basis, so check back regularly to see what’s new.

This video is all about finding a focus for your meetings so that you make the most of your time together. Let us know what you think in the comments below.

Encouraging Parents in the Mundane

Thu, 30 May 2013 08:00:00 -0600

Last week, our sister site Her.meneutics shared an insightful article from Andrea Palpant Dilley that small-group leaders should pay attention to. Dilley is reacting to a recent article from Christianity Today magazine called "Here Come the Radicals," which calls Christians to attack comfortable Christianity and instead live in radical ways.

While it's good to call American Christians out of our complacent, comfortable lives, Dilley rightfully notes that this call "has the potential to leave suburban moms looking like lazy Christians." Because as moms change diapers, make bottles, and check homework, they're far too busy with the mundane to attend to the radical. But moms, as we know, have a profound purpose in these seemingly mundane tasks.

Small groups can help mothers—and fathers—see the value in the day-to-day tasks of parenthood. We can help them feel appreciated. We can celebrate parents and help them do even the mundane with a worshipful heart.

Check out the full post here, and let us know: How can small groups help group members live out their calling—whatever that might be?

Get More People Connected in Small Groups

Tue, 28 May 2013 08:00:00 -0600

Our new resource, Market Your Small-Group Ministry, is already extremely popular, and there's good reason why. As a former small-group director, I know just how hard it can be to get people into groups. And it's not just a one-time issue. Instead, it's something that you must continually do, considering new ways to market your ministry.

I can still remember being at the beginning of a new season of small groups one fall when I realized my marketing plan wasn't going so well. We'd had an announcement in our church bulletin for weeks, a special slide for Sunday mornings, several in-person announcements from stage, some moving stories about why small groups are important, and a church-wide e-mail—all to announce the start of small groups, urging everyone to sign up.

Even with all that, a few weeks later a woman came to me asking when small groups were starting because she wanted to get involved. My heart sank. How in the world did she miss the message?

I know I'm not the only one who's experienced something like that, and that's why we made this incredible resource. Hear from small-group experts Steve Gladen, Bill Search, Carter Moss, Mike Mack, Ben Reed, Will Johnston, and more. Learn how to communicate well and get more people into groups from people who have served as small-group directors, champions, and pastors.

One tip I found especially helpful comes from Will Johnston's article. He says that it's critical to identify the influencers in your church and get them on board with the small-group ministry. He writes:

To create a small-group culture, you have to get these influential people on board. Once they're on board, others will follow their lead. And you do that through telling stories, too. If the influencers in your church are excited about groups, they'll join them, talk about them from the stage, recommend groups to new people, and spend extra time supporting and encouraging group leaders. The more you can get people talking about them—and not just during a sermon or sermon series on small groups—the better. As more and more people champion small groups, be sure to celebrate and thank them for their support.

Read the rest of his article and the wisdom from an array of small-group experts in our resource Market Your Small-Group Ministry.

Why 'The Office' Finale Affects Us So Much

Thu, 23 May 2013 08:00:00 -0600

With The Office ending last Thursday, I found myself grieving—and that felt pretty strange. After all, it's just a TV show. How can it affect me that much?

But as I've reflected on the show this past week, I think I've figured it out. Overall, the cast of The Office didn't change that much over its nine seasons. Day in and day out, these same characters went to work together, got into trouble together, and celebrated life together. And all this in spite of the many exaggerated quirks of the characters.

Just take a look at the relationship between Jim Halpert and Dwight Schrute. In watching some of the first episodes of the show, and their many pranks (including the one pictured here), it's hard to believe that Jim would stand in Dwight's wedding in the finale. Dwight's quirks and idiosyncrasies simply seem too much to overcome. Yet somehow, at the end, they seem charming and winsome.

As I look at The Office, I realize it's a big ol' community where lots of different people come together with their quirks and hardships and baggage. They're not always understood. They don't always get along. But in the end they're there for one another, and they deeply care for each other—which was portrayed beautifully in the finale.

Seeing these characters experience that kind of community makes us realize our longing for it. And that's what makes me grieve the ending of the show. It showed us what we long for, the kind of community we seek, this God-placed desire in our hearts for meaningful relationships.

We'll continue to long for this kind of community, and thankfully we can find it in healthy small groups. But only if we're willing to live authentically with others, flaws and all.

When have you experienced this kind of community in a small group? How can we build an "Office culture" in our groups? Share with us below.

Photo credit: NBC

Mental Illness Is More Common than We Realize

Tue, 21 May 2013 10:27:37 -0600

How common is mental illness? The truth may surprise you.

Because people struggling with mental illness don't necessarily broadcast that struggle, they may suffer in silence, without many people knowing that anything is wrong. Unfortunately, that also means that to many, mental illness doesn't feel all that prevalent.

But Amy Simpson reveals in her article that a little more than 25 percent of Americans 18 and older will suffer from a mental illness this year. That's more than "people diagnosed with cancer each year, those living with heart disease, those infected with HIV and AIDS, and those afflicted with diabetes—combined." Shocking, isn't it?

Many of us can name someone in our lives that suffers from one of these physical ailments. We know they're relatively common. We know people whose lives are directly affected by them—even ours. And yet we have a difficult time realizing that mental disorders are just as common.

What does that mean for small groups? How can we help shine light on this issue, this need? How can we create a culture where it's okay to talk about our struggles and illnesses—especially those unseen? How can small groups respond in a loving way to group members who are struggling?

For some great ideas, read "Your Small Group Can Help People Affected by Mental Illness." And share your thoughts below. What can small groups do to help?

Why We Need Community

Thu, 16 May 2013 16:51:41 -0600

In an age where we feel ultra connected—through Facebook, Twitter, blogs, texts, e-mails, and more—we're actually less connected than ever before. Worse, these online interactions, give us the illusion of fellowship, and it actually keeps us from investing in real relationships.

In his Leadership Journal article, Peyton Jones writes:

Genesis demonstrates that man was made as a relational being. It was not good for man to be alone, yet since the Fall, man's disconnectedness from others has been the direct result of his inability to connect with his Maker. Man is still hiding, but this time it's not behind a bush; it's behind a computer screen. He's still ashamed, and the Internet takes away much of the social pressure. Pseudo-intimacy in a cyber community will sabotage interpersonal relationships, and from the enemy's point of view, that's ideal. If the gospel is anything, it's social. It takes root through community and interpersonal communication. True ministry is incarnational. If this wasn't true, then Jesus wouldn't have come in person.

Small groups go against the grain of cultural norms. They require that we take time out of our schedule to regularly meet with others face to face. But this risk comes with great reward, and those of us involved with small groups know it well. We are meant to live in community. Our relationships add value to our lives—and it's through relationships that we add value to others' lives.

People are aching for real intimacy, and they're buying into the lie that they're getting it online. You have an amazing opportunity to help people experience real relationships. Are you up for the challenge?

Resource Review: Troubled Minds

Mon, 13 May 2013 10:59:44 -0600

I recently had the privilege of reading Amy Simpson's new book, Troubled Minds: Mental Illness and the Church's Mission, available from InterVarsity Press. The short video above gives you a sneak peek into the book.

Simpson's mom struggles with schizophrenia, and she had her first full mental breakdown when Simpson was only 14. In Troubled Minds, she shares her own story and how the church helped—and didn't help—her family during this difficult time. This incredibly practical book lays out helpful descriptions of the basic types of mental illness, ways the family of a person with mental illness is impacted, and the stigma and struggles people with mental illness face when attending church. She also breaks down the issues church leaders face when ministering to people with mental illness, and offers great advice for how churches can respond in compassionate, helpful ways.

One of the most important parts of Simpson's book, though, is helping to dispel the myths surrounding mental illness. For instance, mental illness is far more common than many of us realize. She explains that over 25 percent of American adults will face mental illness this year and that many people with mental illness will seek help in the church. In fact, according to a survey discussed in the book, "nearly half (44.5 percent) of church leaders are approached 2 to 5 times per year about dealing with mental illness; 32.8 percent are approached more frequently, from 6 to more than 12 times per year."

If you haven't been approached yet, there's a good chance you will be—all the more reason to understand mental illness and learn ways to help those suffering. This is especially important when you consider the struggles people with mental illness face when attending church. Simpson says the problem is only exacerbated by uninformed leaders, the wrong belief that Christians don't deal with mental illness, and a church culture that expects attenders to live mess-free lives. People with mental illness may also face Christians who spiritualize the problem—even sending the message that they aren't walking with the Lord if they're suffering.

We must do better, especially in our small groups. If we seek to create safe environments for people to grow in their relationship with God and with one another, we must make our groups safe for all people, including those facing mental illness and their family members.

May is Mental Health Month, and we want you to have the resources you need to minister to people with mental illness. We offer a great four-session Bible study on ministering to people with mental illness and an excellent article from Amy Simpson on ways your small group can help people who are dealing with mental illness. Plus, check out an excerpt from her book: "Mental Illness Is Mainstream."

When Missional Living Isn't Warm and Fuzzy

Thu, 09 May 2013 15:31:00 -0600

A few months ago, I talked to a woman who had become disillusioned by her experiences with missional living. She made her feelings pretty clear as she told me why she thinks my small group is wasting its time when we try to help people in messy situations.

"Some people don't change," she said, "And it's not our job to fix them—it's God's."

Her candid feelings startled me. I agree with her—some people don't seem to change. And I agree that it is God's job to change people (and he can change even this woman's heart). But I also know that God wants us to love on others and help usher in the kingdom by righting the wrongs we see, helping people to live the lives that God intended for them all along.

But the truth of the matter is that when our small groups try to help others, it doesn't always work out the way we'd like. We don't always see someone finding their way back to God. We don't always experience warm, fuzzy feelings. We don't even get a thank you very often. Despite this, we're still called to help, to serve, and to love.

Even if nothing changes. Even if there's no thank you. Even if it's so messy that we worry how much worse it will get.

We don't get to control the outcome. We just obey the directions that God has given us.

A new article from Joel Brooks on SmallGroups.com really fleshes this idea out, and I appreciate the author's honesty. Have a look and let us know what you think below. For a great single-session Bible study on this topic, see Called to a Life of Mercy and Justice from our sister site, ChristianBibleStudies.com.

Working Together as a Team

Thu, 02 May 2013 08:00:00 -0600

A few nights ago in my small group, the leader asked an icebreaker question: When have you worked with a team to accomplish a goal? It was a great icebreaker because it led into a discussion about Jesus calling his disciples, but many of our group members were stumped. Even I’ll admit it took me a while to think about it. When we did come up with examples, most of our answers referred back to high school, which is a little distant for most of us.

Why is it that all we could think of were examples from high school sports teams and school projects? Is it that we don’t work in teams after the age of 18?

It dawned on me that as your small group works together to accomplish goals of spiritual growth, missional living, and caring for one another, it may be the first time in a long time that your members have worked on a meaningful team. In light of this truth, we need to do two things:

First, we must highlight this opportunity. What a privilege it is to work with others and accomplish a goal we could never accomplish on our own! We must value this opportunity ourselves and model it to our group members. And when we do accomplish something we really need to celebrate it to show our group members that it’s a big deal.

Second, we must realize that we’ll have to work through team dynamics. When we’re all used to working on our own, team unity won’t happen instantly. That’s why it’s critical that you work through group dynamics issues and through any conflict that may arise. Our newly updated resource will definitely help you out in this area.

So tell us: What has your group accomplished as a team? What has helped you come together as a unified team?

Practical Discussions that Lead to Life Change

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 08:00:00 -0600

My women's small group finished up our study of James last week, and I'm surprised by how much each of us learned from this practical book. I've studied James several times with other small groups, and I've read it for myself countless times. Yet each time I study this book, God brings me new insights. Each of us is walking away with a specific challenge to live in ways that glorify God.

My favorite part about this study is that it was based on great discussions. I created some questions to work through each meeting, and we allowed these questions to spark discussion. Our discussions always led to great insights and challenges for how we are living. They led us to see where we needed to grow and change, and they gave us specific ideas on how to make that happen.

So what do you study with your group? Do you use curriculum? Do you simply ask questions like I did? Do you talk about your church's sermon series? Share what and how you study with us below.

Need ideas for your next study? Read the comments and check out our resource Find the Right Study for Your Group.